Caregiving with a mental illness

Me and Grandma Kath on the Danforth, circa 2000

My grandmother—my sweet GK, my biggest source of support—is dying. Since early August, I have spent nearly every day navigating prognoses, end-of-life care, and four-hour round-trip commutes to the hospital (I don’t drive) when I wasn’t planning my wedding. Even as I write this post, I’m interrupted by calls updating me on hospice applications, texts from her friends asking about her condition, and notifications from the patient portal where I track her medical care. My life as I knew it has stopped.

There are plenty of resources for caregivers available, but few that cater to caregivers living with serious mental illness. This might be due to the misconception that a person with a serious mental illness can’t provide support to a loved one with a terminal illness. But I’m living proof that’s untrue.

I don’t have the time (or mental capacity) to offer a lot of specific advice (that will come later) but to anyone caregiving with a mental illness, I’ll say this: use your symptoms to your advantage. I’ve used my ability to dissociate from painful emotions to be a better support to my grandmother and handle the responsibilities that come with being a primary caregiver. My unstable sense of self allowed me to shed my identity as a working writer and embody the traits I needed to be an advocate for my grandmother’s healthcare. And my fear of abandonment drove me to spend as much time as possible with my GK while I still have her.

Caregiving is not easy. Neither is living with a serious mental illness. But when I transform my symptoms into strengths the journey becomes more manageable.