Exquisitely Sensitive

Today, I snapped awake at 6:45 a.m. with the energy of a kid on Christmas morning. It’s not a holiday but I have good reason to celebrate. It’s my birthday. Though I’m 32 and don’t do much to mark the occasion, I still delight in the customs that have persisted throughout the years.

It starts with the Granny call. I’m sipping my first coffee when she rings me up to sing her best rendition of Happy Birthday. My face splits into a grin. I shake my butt to her tune. She’s usually the first in my family to impart good wishes, but this year my brother beat her to it with a sunrise text. More family calls follow and my heart swells with each one until it feels like it might burst through my ribcage.

I dance and sing to Beyonce’s “Renaissance” in the shower. I have to express myself physically when I’m this ecstatic. In public, on my way to grab my next coffee, I resist the urge to skip. I’m a grown-ass woman and just can’t pull it off that level of gaiety anymore.

People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) feel intensely. There’s plenty of research and writing on the depth of their despair, the hurricane force of their anger, but less about the positive emotions they enjoy. Living with the disorder isn’t all pain. People with BPD savour and bask in pleasant experiences in a way incomparable to most.

This brings me to my next cause for celebration. I sold my first book! Exquisitely Sensitive is a memoir-in-essays that will highlight the gifts that come with BPD. Those diagnosed with the disorder are typically highly intelligent and creative. Timely studies show that they have enhanced empathetic abilities, can read facial and emotional expressions better than those without BPD, experience intense and passionate feelings for life, and have talents involving and influencing others. Exquisitely Sensitive will be published by McClelland & Stewart, probably sometime in 2024.